Trailers by Brandon: A creepy, kooky, mysterious and spooky line-up


Two movies that are opening this week look great. Two other movies that are opening look like hot trash. Which films do YOU think falls into which category? We’ve got some indie and horror trailers to discuss, too, along with some that are just flat-out weird, so let’s jump into this week’s Trailers by Brandon.

Opening this week:

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Bring on all the scary stories you can muster, Guillermo. I dare you. From The Autopsy of Jane Doe director André Øvredal, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark seems to serve as a perfect introduction to horror fans who might be new to the genre (which is something we desperately need more of)! The trailers have all been really fun and everyone says the source material is great so, yeah, sign me up for this one.

The Kitchen

I’ve got pretty high hopes for The Kitchen, too. With some impressive trailers and a hell of a talented cast — Elisabeth Moss, Tiffany Haddish and Melissa McCarthy in one film is basically a dream team — this movie has a lot of potential that it better deliver on.

Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Then we get to Dora and the Lost City of Gold, which is having a complete identity crisis as it doesn’t know if it’s trying to be for kids or if it’s trying to be the next Tomb Raider. What I can say with the utmost confidence, though, is that I’m not interested either way.

The Art of Racing in the Rain

Lastly, we have a movie in which Kevin Costner plays a talking dog. Look, these trailers can try to be as sweet and sentimental as they want, but at the end of the day it’s Costner who’s saying that line about “I only hoped her baby would look like me” and, to be frank, that creeps me the hell out.

New trailers:

Low Tide (Oct. 4, 2019)

A24 continues to put out banger after banger, most recently with The Farewell. Low Tide is looking to join that crew as this has a strong Mud kind of vibe to it, which I can dig. This seems like one of the studio’s smaller movies so I’m hoping they don’t completely bury it like they did with Under the Silver Lake, for example, as this trailer has me wanting to see Low Tide.

Satanic Panic (Sept. 6, 2019)

I really didn’t expect this trailer to look as fun as it does, but here we are. With a mix of Slice (hey guys, remember Slice?) and a bunch of 80’s horror films (helps that it’s coming from Fangoria, of course), this seems to be a really clever blend of scares and comedy.

The Day Shall Come (Sept. 27, 2019)

You know what movie people don’t talk about enough? Four Lions. You know what looks an awful lot like Four Lions? The Day Shall Come. Director Christopher Morris has a way of taking these really controversial topics in society and turning them into this outrageously funny and ridiculous films, and The Day Shall Come looks like it’ll be more of the same.

The Addams Family (Oct. 11, 2019)

Admittedly, I think I liked the first couple of trailers for The Addams Family — they seem to be re-using a lot of the same jokes in this one, hopefully because they’re saving their best for the film itself, even though that often isn’t the case. Regardless, The Addams Family still looks like a fun, reimagining that I’m excited to see come to life.

The Jack in the Box (2019)

I mean, it’s a tired idea and looks pretty cheaply made, but there’s a similar vibe here to the one in the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark trailers, which I like. Granted, it’s pretty hard to pick up much more than that given that this trailer is so short and it could easily turn into a Devil’s Doorway or Wish Upon situation, but MAYBE this will turn out better? Let me dream, at least?

Honey Boy (Nov. 8, 2019)

Is Shia okay? Are any of us okay? Are trailers like that of Honey Boy okay? The answer, almost certainly, is no to all of the above. As crazy and fever dream-ish that this looks, I’m curious what really lies beneath Honey Boy. Maybe not curious enough to rush out there on opening day but, c’mon, part of you knows that you want to see how weird it can get, too.

Bloodline (Sept. 20, 2019)

American Psycho meets all those documentaries and serial killer dramas that Netflix has been putting out with Bloodline, but the question is whether or not it’ll stand-out. It’s pretty hard to say given that I haven’t seen the movie yet, but I’m at least curious to see how Sean William Scott does in a role like this.

Strange But True (Sept. 6, 2019)

I don’t totally know how to feel about this one, but I’m all for turning Margaret Qualley into a star (even though y’all jumping on that Once Upon a Time in Hollywood bandwagon when she’s been killing it since The Leftovers and The Nice Guys). Whether this turns out to be good is anyone’s guess — they’re going for a Gone Girl vibe but might end up just being a generic thriller — but there’s a talented cast, at least.

Haunt (Sept. 13, 2019)

Prettttyyy sure I paid to see this exact same movie last year when it was called Hell Fest. Thing is, I really, really enjoyed Hell Fest. I know that I’m in the minority on that but, hey, this is my guilty-pleasure kind of thing. While Haunt doesn’t look like it’ll hold a candle to the formerly mentioned film, the premise alone is so up my ally that I can’t help but be just a little bit curious.

A Million Little Pieces (Dec. 6, 2019)

Kids, don’t get addicted to stuff. Boom. There’s the entire message of this movie summed up in one line. Maybe they’ll find a good way to mine some drama out of that, I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure I know how this one is going to go.

The Parts You Lose (2019)

Someone’s going to have to remind me what this one was about. I know Aaron Paul and Mary Elizabeth Winstead were in there which, granted, is almost enough to reason to watch just about anything, but nothing beyond that has stuck in my memory and that ain’t great, folks.

One Last Night (Aug. 20, 2019)

I don’t know, I guess I was expecting this to be a horror movie for some reason? Probably my mistake with The Office’s Brian Baumgartner being cast. Either way, this is the most generic footage out of all the trailers this week. It’s not that it’s bad — maybe they’ll find a way to make this cute in an Always Be My Maybe kind of way — it just doesn’t stand out and didn’t make me laugh, which isn’t necessarily promising.

Sextuplets (Aug. 16, 2019)

Can Marlon Waynes just stooooppp? I don’t know what he’s trying to prove, here. Maybe he wants to be the next Tyler Perry or Eddie Murphy by playing ten different over-the-top characters in one film, I don’t know. All I know is that those movies have never been for me and this is most certainly something I won’t be seeing.


Insidious (2010)

For some, Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark will be their first introduction to the horror genre. For me, and I remember watching very vividly, it was Insidious. I remember seeing this for the first time back when I was just starting high-school and, having not really had any experience in horror before, I was naturally scared out of my wits. It was the start of my passion for horror movies, though, and that passion has only grown and grown, so I can say that I really owe a lot of James Wan and everyone behind Insidious.

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Brandon Schreur

The fella over there with the hella good hair. Movies and TV are my jam, and the fact that I get to write about them on a regular basis is the bees knees.

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