Trailers by Brandon: Oh my god, please let me unsee the 'Cats' trailer

Trailers

Pretty sure we’re going for a record number of trailers this week. That usually always happens right around the time of comic-con but still, there’s a lot to watch. Between It Chapter Two, Top Gun: Maverick and whatever the hell that was from Cats, we’ve got you covered in this week’s Trailers by Brandon.

Opening this week:

The Lion King

There’s only one movie that's going wide this week, and it once again is coming to us from Disney. Please, tell me again how they aren’t slowly destroying the entire box-office market by owning nearly every single blockbuster this year? The Lion King is going to make all kinds of money over the next couple of days, regardless of how you feel about it. Judging from the trailers and people’s reactions, I’m expecting a shot-for-shot remake of the animated film — and that’s pretty disappointing. Where’s the creativity in films like this and Aladdin? Can’t we ask for something a little, you know, more inspired?

New trailers:

It Chapter Two (Sept. 6, 2019)

It’s perfect. It’s really just perfect. They’ve captured everything that was great about the first It and brought it into It Chapter Two. The two trailers we’ve gotten have been everything a Stephen King fan could ever want from this property — they expand the lore we all know and love while also bringing something new in there. All that carnival stuff? Yeah, not in the book. There’s no telling what’s in store with us for It Chapter Two but the hype is through the roof at this point. All the other trailers are just fighting for second place when they have to go up against something like this.

Itsy Bitsy (Aug. 30, 2019)

Second place when it comes to this week’s trailers still isn’t bad, though, when we’re talking about something like.  Look, I don’t know if this movie will actually be good or not, but it’s been a while since we’ve had a killer spider movie actually take itself somewhat seriously in the same way it had been a while since we had a killer alligator movie take itself seriously before Crawl. I don’t know if Itsy Bitsy is going to hit the same mark as Crawl, but this trailer creeped me out (and I’m not even typically scared of spiders!) so I have hopes.

Top Gun: Maverick (June 26, 2020)

I wasn’t excited about Top Gun: Maverick. Really, I wasn’t. This seemed like another desperate attempt to revive an 80s property in a sequel we really didn’t need. This trailer at least begins to change the narrative. I’m not screaming off the rooftops about how good this is or anything like that — I still have my doubts with Joseph Kosinski as director — but the long-shots and visuals are certainly impressive, and they’ve seemed to recapture a lot of that Top Gun/Kenny Loggins energy.

The King’s Man (Feb. 14, 2020)

I can get down with a Kingsman prequel, I guess, and I can get down with this trailer, I suppose. Similar to Top Gun: Maverick, I wasn’t blown away by the concept of this movie existing, even though I can admit there’s certainly plenty of potential to mine here. We’ll be in good shape as long as this is better than Kingsman: The Golden Circle.

The Red Sea Diving Resort (July 31, 2019)

Chris Evans makes his move to Netflix with what looks to be a pretty entertaining thriller. I mean, I’m not completely wowed by anything I see in this trailer for The Red Sea Diving Resort and this could easily turn into another Triple Frontier situation, but I still want to see what good ole’ Steve Rogers can do in this.

Hustlers (Sept. 13, 2019)

I’d love for Hustlers to be this huge breakout hit that everyone needs to see in the same way that Girl’s Trip was in 2017. Based on this trailer, I’m not sure if it’s going to get there or not. It’s a fun premise, but everything looks at least somewhat surface level at this time — but, hey, Girl’s Trip didn’t really have the bests trailers, either.

Don’t Let Go (Aug. 30, 2019)

There have been a lot — like, a lot a lot — of similar movies to this recently, right? There was that Spy Kids looking one, the “ReplayTwilight Zone episode, Happy Death Day 2U (I’m dead serious, watch it if you don’t believe me) and another one that I can’t quite remember and now this? I don’t know, I guess time travel meets tragedy is just a new trend? In that, I don’t see a TON that separates Don’t Let Go from the rest of the crop, but I do have some faith with Blumhouse and David Oyelowo being involved.

Farming (2019)

Well, this certainly looks….dark, I guess, doesn’t it? It doesn’t look like a whole lot of fun, that is to say. I’m a little confused by some of the imagery in here and whether or not this is a movie I’m actually ever going to want to watch, but Farming is certainly to pack a hefty punch, to say the least.

3 From Hell (Sept. 2019)

Still haven’t watched House of 1,000 Corpses or The Devil’s Rejects yet. Still should probably do that before 3 From Hell. Still looks like a bunch of what we’ve come to expect from Rob Zombie in the meantime. Do with that what you will.

Paradise Hills (Nov. 1, 2019)

Okay, so I’m not in love with trailers like this — I’ve seen many similar films and I’d wager I’d be able to tell you exactly how the whole thing will end within the first ten minutes of the movie. That being said, there’s a visual component in here that doesn’t make me want to completely dismiss this thing just yet. I like the way the movie looks and maybe, just maybe, that’ll save it from being a complete wash.

A Score to Settle (Aug. 2, 2019)

Nicholas Cage is back to doing straight-to-streaming movies. Okay. Can’t help but feel a little disappointed after the greatness that was Mandy. Trailers like this, though, they don’t do a whole lot for me.

Jay and Silent Bob Reboot (Oct. 15, 2019)

Guess what, I haven’t seen any of the Jay and Silent Bob movies either. I get the appeal something like this might have — it seems to be making fun of the comic-book industry at large, which could be pretty funny coming from Kevin Smith — but this didn’t make me laugh, it didn’t make me want to go see it and it didn’t make me want to revisit any of the other Jay and Silent Bob movies. This looks the lower than low-brow and I’m just not into it.

Vita & Virginia (Aug. 23, 2019)

Classic literature fans might have a bone to pick with me here, which is fine, but there’s nothing drawing me towards Vita & Virginia after seeing this trailer. I watched it this morning and I don’t think I could tell you a single thing about the footage shown or what this movie is about.

Angel of Mine (Aug. 30, 2019)

Angel of Mine also falls into that completely forgettable, what are trailers like this even about category. They’re going for some kind of suburban thriller vibe or something like that (a little funny how Yvonne Strahovski is having another kid taken away from her after Handmaid’s Tale), but none of it is sticking in my memory.

Playing with Fire (Nov. 8, 2019)

Playing with Fire, however, is stuck in my memory, even though I really wish it wasn’t. Admittedly, I was interested at first when this trailer started and I realized that John Cena, Keegan-Michael Key and Michael Peña were going to be in a comedy together. Then I realized how low-brow, childish and unfunny this looked and I was immediately disappointed. Do better, guys. Do better.

Cats (Dec. 20, 2019)

I’m horrified. This is meant to be horrifying, right? There’s no other way to take this. This is just straight-up f-in terrifying. I don’t know what Tom Hooper (who I’ve never even been that big of a fan of) was trying to accomplish here but, whatever it was, it completely missed the mark. I’ll now be having nightmares of James Corden and Rebel Wilson in cat CGI, thank you very much.

Rewind:

A Goofy Movie (1995)

Because The Lion King is based off (or copying) an animated film from the 1990s, I’m directing you to another 90’s Disney animated film — A Goofy Movie. Odds are that you’ve probably seen it by now, but it holds up surprisingly well on a re-watch as both the humor and the heart still hit the way they did back then.

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Brandon Schreur

The fella over there with the hella good hair. Movies and TV are my jam, and the fact that I get to write about them on a regular basis is the bees knees.

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