Trailers by Brandon: Giant crocodiles (but not hedgehogs) for the WIN

Trailers

Look, we know you’re all going to see Avengers: Endgame again this weekend. We get it because, truth be told, we (or at least, I) probably will, too. That being said, there are OTHER movies and trailers that we still should talk about — the least of which involves some giant, killer crocodiles.

Opening this week:

Long Shot

The one movie opening this weekend that actually does look good, Long Shot is a return to the romantic comedy genre in what looks to be a pretty interesting way. The trailers have been good (not knock-you-out-of-the-park good, but still good) and the reviews are all positive, so maybe make some time to see Long Shot in the next week?

UglyDolls

I…It’s just…Words can’t describe how terrible this looks. I get it. UglyDolls wasn’t made for me. That’s okay. Not every film has to be for everyone, and children are obviously allowed to have their own entertainment. That being said, have you ever seen a series of trailers that made you want to see a movie less? I haven’t. I’d honestly put this one up with the Emoji Movie as being one of the worst marketed films of all time. I’m avoiding this one like the plague because, guess what, just because a movie is MADE for kids, doesn’t mean it has to be a humiliating low-brow toy commercial. This is just kind of degrading, right? Like, kids definitely deserve better entertainment than this — this, this is just weak.

The Intruder

Now that we’ve got that UglyDolls rant off my chest, we can move on to The Intruder rant. Actually, in retrospect, I’m not going to be as quick to judge this one. The trailers, yes, are terrible. This movie will almost definitely be laughably bad. Maybe, though, it can be laughably bad in a campy way that’s still enjoyable. It’s a tricky tone to nail and nearly every movie that sets out to try and be enjoyably bad almost certainly fails, but The Intruder has a shot, at least.

New trailers:

Crawl (July 12, 2019)

I didn’t know that I needed a movie about crocodiles hunting people in the midst of a hurricane but, after seeing this trailer, I now know that I most certainly do. I think John Squires of Bloody Disgusting summed it up really well in a tweet that says, “The best thing we can ever hope for is horror movie *variety* at the box office, so man am I excited to see Alex Aja’s #Crawl come along.”

He’s absolutely right. Seeing horror variety like this (like, compare it to The Shallows and 47 Meters Down all you want, but when’s the last time you’ve ever really seen a mainstream giant killer croc movie) is exciting. Seeing Aja, who made The Hills Have Eyes remake and The 9th Life of Louis Drax (a movie that literally almost nobody but me saw, but is still actually quite good), and Sam Raimi’s name pop up is exciting. This, in general, is exciting and I cannot wait to see more.

Blinded by the Light (Aug. 14, 2019)

I’ve been hearing about how good Blinded by the Light is from various critics who caught it at early screenings for a while. Now that the promotional campaign has officially begun, we, too, can start getting excited about it. It has a cool premise, looks to have a charming story and, hey, you’ll probably get to hear a bunch of Bruce Springsteen songs through the course of the movie (of course, that didn’t work so well for Bohemian Rhapsody and Queen).

Ophelia (June 28, 2019)

A Shakespeare aficionado, I am not. A Daisy Ridley fan, I am. What that means for Ophelia, is anyone’s guess. Will I see it? Won’t I? Who knows! Is this trailer good? I suppose! Let’s leave that for the literature scholars amongst us to juxtapose!

Murder Mystery (June 14, 2019)

Netflix trying to make their own take on Game Night doesn’t look too great, to be honest. Granted, I’d rather see Adam Sandler do and something that’s a *little* more serious rather than putting out yet another comedy with David Spade or Kevin James that nobody is going to bother watching in the first place, but, still, I can’t say I’m all too impressed with this footage.

Sonic the Hedgehog (Nov. 8, 2019)

Been spending most our lives, livin’ in a hedgehog’s paradise! An initial trailer so bad that the studio reportedly stopped everything to re-design the look of Sonic (I mean, did you see those teeth?), which should tell you just about everything you need to know about this movie. I don’t want to be a bully or anything like that, but let’s just say the upcoming trailers have a long way to go to see both myself and the general public on this film.

Hallowed Ground (June 7, 2019)

There’s kind of a creepy, Ritual-like premise buried somewhere in this trailer, but it’s pretty quickly overshadowed with what I’m just going to call goofiness. This movie looks goofy. Unintentionally goofy, that is, as I don’t think that’s the vibe they were necessarily trying to portray.

Good Sam (May 16, 2019)

I will place a $50 bet right here and now that says her boss is the one who’s leaving the bags of money. Watch this trailer and tell me I’m wrong, I dare you. This…I don’t know, this just looks like a cheesy movie that nobody would have watched even in the 1990s. Now it’s 2019 and this thing is still coming out — a notion that’s part baffling and part fascinating, as I’m wondering who, exactly, was passionate about creating this project.

Rewind:

The Big Sick (2017)

With Long Shot bringing back the romantic comedy this weekend, I’m sending you back to check out one of the other great romantic comedies of the past decade — The Big Sick. Telling the (at least semi) true story of how comedian Kumail Nanjiani met his now wife, The Big Sick is funny, sweet and just a really, really good watch.

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Brandon Schreur

The fella over there with the hella good hair. Movies and TV are my jam, and the fact that I get to write about them on a regular basis is the bees knees.

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